The Wolves of Marriage

                When I was young, wolves fascinated me. I thought they were beautiful animals. They were furry and wild and took care of their young. But as I grew older, I realized that out in the wild wolves can be extremely dangerous. Because they hunt in packs, they are a formidable force. Out in the wild of this life, marriage is vulnerable to threats from the adversary.

                Elder Bruce Hafen of the Seventy mentioned three wolves that threaten marriage. The first wolf is natural adversity. One of the first significant challenges to our marriage came as natural adversity. Our fifth child was born at 28 weeks. His premature birth threw our little family into a tailspin. After my water broke at 24 weeks, I was on bed rest in the hospital. During this time, my husband had to travel back and forth from Idaho to Utah to work and keep track of our four other children. I was constantly worried about the life of my little boy. But the Lord blessed us, and he was born at 2 lbs. and 2 oz. Our baby stayed in the NICU for another six weeks until his lungs developed. Finally, on his due date, he was healthy enough to join our little family. When we got in the car with our little 5-pound baby safe in his car seat, we looked at each other and wept. This struggle was the most difficult that our marriage had faced, and the toll was enormous, but the more that we looked to the Lord for strength and comfort the closer we became. This first wolf had brought us closer together instead of tearing us apart because we were willing to look to the Lord for strength.

                The second wolf that Elder Hafen mentions in his November 1996 Ensign article is the wolf of our own imperfections. In our marriage, I would say that my husband and I had some miscommunication on the care of the house.  This disagreement between the two of us created a wedge in our marriage. We had just built a new house and the added stress of a bigger mortgage added fuel to our disagreements. I remember feeling anxious when it was time for him to return home. I did nothing to diffuse the problem and many times I got angry for unimportant things. I did not know how to communicate with him on this matter. For the first time in our marriage, I did not know if I wanted to stay. But then I turned to the Lord for help and pled with him to soften my heart toward my husband. My husband did the same and we decided it was time for help. Counseling helped us understand each other and come to a more positive communication style. I thank the Lord every day for guiding me to find help. Every couple needs guidance and help from an outside source at times. This wolf of our own imperfections affects most couples and it takes prayer and humility to come back to an understanding.

                The third wolf that Elder Hafen mentions is excessive individualism. In this world, today men and women are expected to be independent of each other. When we got married, I believed that we should be united as a couple heart and soul, but in the uniting, I felt that I was losing myself. I wanted all the accolades of the world that I felt other women were getting. They had education, challenging careers, and children. They seemed to have it all. I chose to be a stay at home mom and forego my education, but I longed for the praise of the world. A woman can only watch Disney movies for the fiftieth time before she wonders if she made the right choice to stay home. I dreamt of a different life other than my own, and this created distance between us. Again, I turned to the Lord and felt a warm comforting feeling that I was doing what I was meant to do. Later I was able to finish my education through Pathway and Brigham Young University, and now here I am in my last semester.

                Looking back, I know that every couple is given trials to overcome. This will strengthen the marriage if they both turn to the Lord for help as they turn to each other. I know that our trials are not over, and they will just keep coming, but I am grateful that we stayed together and worked it out. I believe that we can be together forever. I am grateful to a loving Heavenly Father who wants this for us.